Hey there!

And welcome to Day 2 of The Patient Parent Blueprint: 5 Steps to Becoming a More Patient Parent & Transforming Difficult Behaviors.

Ever feel like you're one crayon on the wall away from losing it? 😅😳 We've all been there.

Kids have an uncanny ability to push our buttons - and sometimes it feels like they're pushing them all-at-once.

But here's the thing: Patient parenting isn't about never getting annoyed (as we talked about yesterday).

It's about how you handle those moments.

Introducing: The “Chill Out” Rule 😇

When emotions run high in your household, this one rule will transform your family dynamics.

The premise is simple yet powerful:

This means:

❌ You don't take things away when you're mad.

❌ You don't threaten to cancel fun plans right after they talk back.

❌ You don't put them on time out when they throw things.

Instead, the rule is to wait until you’ve reached some level of regulation where you can think rationally and clearly (without resorting to punishments and threats).

The common trap parents fall into is in the heat of the moment is telling themselves, “I need to do something right now. I need to give them a consequence right now or else I’m letting them get away with this!”

No you don’t.

In fact, most "discipline" done in the heat of the moment turns into punishment, which rarely leads to the learning and growth we hope for.

Anger fuels us to think thoughts like, "I’ll show them who’s boss! I’m not letting them get away with this!”

And yes, children do need to be taught important lessons (and sometimes given consequences for their actions), but not by an angry parent.

So instead, when you're upset, try saying these things to your child:

✅ "I need to calm down before making any decisions. Let's talk about this later when I'm feeling more collected."

✅ "My thoughts are a bit jumbled right now. I'm going to take a few deep breaths to help my mind relax before we tackle this problem."

✅ "I can see you're upset. Let's focus on calming our bodies first so we can think more clearly."

Here are some additional phrases you can use to emphasize the importance of calming down and regulating emotions before problem-solving:

👉🏽 "Let's take a moment to breathe together and calm our bodies."*

👉🏽 "Before we talk about what happened, let's focus on calming our bodies first. Would you like to count to 10 with me?"

👉🏽 "It's okay to feel upset. Let's take a few minutes to relax our bodies, and then we can figure this out together."

👉🏽 "I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed too. How about we both take some time to calm down, and then we can talk about it?"

Remember, the key is to model emotional regulation yourself and invite (but never force) your child to join you in calming activities. This helps them learn that managing emotions is a skill everyone practices, including adults.

With those simple phrases, you’ve:

• Slowed everyone down
• Modeled self-control and emotional regulation
• Taken the leadership role by having a clear plan and boundary

Right here, right now, commit to the "Chill-Out" rule: "I don't make decisions when I'm upset."

Unless it's an emergency, there's no need to act immediately.

It's time to reclaim your power by slowing yourself down.

The 3-Step Process to Managing Parental Anger 😡

Now, with the “Chill-Out” rule in mind, let's dive into a 3-Step System to help you manage emotions in the moment:

Step 1: Notice

Imagine you're feeling triggered and starting to tell yourself unhelpful thoughts about your child's behavior (as we learned in Day 1). What should you do?

First, you must notice this is happening.

We can't change what we don't notice.

Awareness is your superpower! It's how you transform the way you respond to stress.

Begin by tuning into your body's signals during stressful moments.

Notice signs like:

• Muscle tension
• Beginning to sweat
• Rapid heartbeat
• Racing, negative thoughts

Awareness is like a muscle - it strengthens with practice. Developing this skill takes time and dedication.

If yelling is your go-to response, your brain has been conditioned to react automatically to stress.

To break this pattern, we need to shift from reacting to responding. This starts with awareness of the present moment. While changing automatic reactions takes practice, it's achievable.

Our goal is to make responding, not reacting, our default.

Step 2: Pause

Give yourself permission to pause.

Ignoring your feelings and trying to power through rarely works.

Your future self will thank you for taking this moment!

This is why the “Chill-Out” Rule is so important. Pause, Pause, Pause!

The goal is to increase the time between feeling angry and responding.

We want time in between those two things so we can respond (not react).

Step 3: Make a decision

Consciously choose to make a different choice.

Tell yourself, "Right now, in this moment, I choose patience. I choose love. I choose connection. I will take a pause and notice my thoughts and emotions first before I do anything else."

Hard truth: Patience is a choice.

It's not something we can passively wish for.

The good news? The more you practice, the easier it gets.

And the more we model this for our children, the quicker they learn this skill, too!

What if you need more? 😳

We all have those days where no matter how hard we try to notice, pause, and choose patience, it’s just not happening.

On those days, we have to step up our self-care practices. We have to be super intentional about how we take care of our minds and bodies.

For those tough days, I created a quick printable checklist. Print this out on your fridge so you have this resource when you really need it. ❤️

[Click here to download: Strategies for Those Really Tough Parenting Days]

Remember, this isn't about being perfect.

Even the most patient parents lose it sometimes. This is about reclaiming your power more and more.

Now, let's address some common concerns:

👉🏽"I don't have time to pause and reflect in the moment."
The pause I’m talking about doesn't need to be long - even a few seconds can make a difference. Try this: Next time you feel triggered, take one deep breath before responding. That's it. Just one breath. You'll be amazed at how even this tiny pause can help you respond more calmly.

👉🏽"My child's behavior won't improve if I stop yelling. They only listen when I raise my voice."
While yelling might result in immediate compliance, research shows that over time, it can lead to increased behavioral problems and damage the parent-child relationship. By consistently responding with intention, we're teaching our children valuable emotional regulation skills. Give it time, stay consistent, and you'll likely see positive changes in both your child's behavior and your relationship. I’ll be sharing more tips for misbehavior later in this email course.

👉🏽"I've tried being patient before and it didn't work. I always end up yelling again."
Changing ingrained habits is challenging, and setbacks are normal. Each attempt at noticing, pausing, and making a choice is building your "patience muscles," even if you don't see the results right away. The key is to be kind to yourself when you slip up. Remember, you're aiming for progress, not perfection.

👉🏽"Changing my thoughts won't make a difference. My child's behavior is the real problem."
Our thoughts play a crucial role in how we respond to challenges. When we reframe negative thoughts, we change our emotional response, which in turn affects how we interact with our children. By changing your thoughts, you're creating an environment where your child feels understood and is more likely to cooperate (More on this on Day 3!).

👉🏽"My child is too young to learn from my example of emotional regulation. It won't make a difference."
Research shows that children start learning about emotional regulation through observation from infancy. When you regulate your own emotions in challenging moments, you're providing a real-time lesson in emotional intelligence. Every time you model emotional regulation, you're depositing into your child's emotional intelligence bank.

That’s it for today!

I highly encourage you to take a few moments to reflect on what helps bring you calm.

Taking this time to reflect IS how you become a more patient parent.

Then hit ‘reply’ to this email and let me know what you uncover. I would LOVE to hear your insights, takeaways and ‘AHA’ moments from today’s lesson.

TL;DR:

• Implement The “Chill-Out” Rule: No decisions when emotions are high.
• Practice the 3-Step System: Notice, Pause, Make a decision.
• Use reframing mantras and calming strategies in heated moments.
• Remember that consistent calm responses teach valuable skills over time.
• Every attempt at patience is progress, even if it doesn't feel perfect.

Next Up: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Parenting

Tomorrow, we'll explore reframing parental thoughts to boost patience. You'll discover:

✅ Identifying your impatience triggers

✅ Reframing techniques for common challenges

✅ How reframing improves your parenting

This lesson is crucial for turning frustrations into growth opportunities. Don't miss it!

Chat soon,

Dr. Jazmine

Founder of TMP Times

PS... Enjoying this email course? You'll love my weekly email course - TMP Times Premium. Every week, I give you the cheat codes (ages 1-7) for so many common parenting challenges like defiance, tantrums, sibling conflict, and more. As a member, you get weekly access to expert advice, tools and in-depth insights you won’t find on social media.

Ready for Day Three of the Patient Parenting Blueprint? Click here!