Hey there!

Welcome to Day 3 of The Patient Parent Blueprint: 5 Steps to Becoming a More Patient Parent & Transforming Difficult Behaviors.

Today, we're diving into a powerful tool that can transform your parenting experience: Reframing your thoughts.

Reframing simply means intentionally changing your thoughts so that they are either more accurate (based on facts vs. feelings) or more helpful (focused on problem-solving).

This work is crucial to actually becoming a patient parent.

Sure, it’s important to notice, pause, and choose patience (as discussed in Day 2) but until we actually change the way we think, we will stay in a vicious cycle of yelling (and doing all the things we hate) because we haven’t fixed the underlying issue - our faulty beliefs.

Think of Day 2’s work as a the beginner version and today’s lesson as more advanced. Each are important but one comes before the other.

The Power of Your Thoughts

Our thoughts are the invisible force shaping our parenting experience.

They influence our emotions, which in turn drive our actions.

By learning to reframe negative thoughts, we can dramatically shift how we respond to challenging situations with our children.

A 2021 study published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that parents who practiced cognitive reappraisal (a fancy term for intentionally changing your thoughts) reported lower levels of parenting stress and more positive interactions with their children (Moreira et al., 2021).

Identifying Unhelpful Thinking Patterns

Here are some common thinking mistakes parents (and all humans) often make:

❌ All-or-nothing thinking: "My child never listens to me."

❌ Overgeneralization: "We always have meltdowns at bedtime."

❌ Catastrophizing: "If I don't fix this behavior now, they'll never learn to behave."

❌ Mind reading: "Everyone at the store thinks I'm a terrible parent."

❌ Emotional reasoning: "I feel overwhelmed, so I must be failing as a parent."

How to Change Your Thoughts (Step-by-Step Guide)

Step 1: Notice the negative thought (Remember: we can’t change what we’re not aware of)

Step 2: Question its validity: Is it really true? Always true?

Step 3: Look for evidence that contradicts the thought: Has there been a time when this wasn’t true?

Step 4: Consider alternative explanations: How can I better explain this?

Step 5: Reframe the thought in a more balanced, realistic way: Try to think of an explanation that’s more accurate and/or more helpful.

For example:

Let’s say you notice a the negative thought: "My child is trying to manipulate me with this tantrum."

You may change that thought to be more helpful and accurate by thinking, "I’m having a hard time witnessing my child’s emotions because I’m already stressed. They’re not trying to be “bad,” they need my help regulating their emotions."

The Root of Unhelpful Thinking: Common Parenting Fears

As we explore reframing techniques, it's important to understand the 4 underlying fears that often fuel our negative thoughts:

1. Fear of failure as a parent
2. Fear of judgment from others
3. Fear that our child's current behavior predicts their future
4. Fear of losing control or authority

Recognizing these fears is crucial in the reframing process.

By acknowledging them, we can better address the root causes of our unhelpful thinking patterns and work towards more constructive thoughts.

Remember, acknowledging these fears doesn't make them true. It's the first step in addressing them constructively and moving towards more patient, understanding parenting.

At this point you might be thinking, "Changing my thoughts won't make a difference. My child's behavior is the real problem."

It's natural to focus on your child's behavior as the source of frustration. However, our thoughts play a crucial role in how we respond to challenges. When we reframe negative thoughts, we change our emotional response, which in turn affects how we interact with our children.

Remember, you have control over your thoughts and reactions, even when you can't control your child's behavior. This mental shift is a powerful tool in your parenting toolkit.

That’s it for today!

I highly encourage you to take 5-10 minutes to reflect on your thought patterns and how to make them more loving and helpful.

Taking this time to reflect IS how you become a more patient parent.

Then hit ‘reply’ to this email and let me know what you uncover. I would LOVE to hear your insights, takeaways and ‘AHA’ moments from today’s lesson.

These mantras are just a taste of what paid subscribers of my weekly email course, TMP Times Premium, receive every week.

TL;DR

1. Reframing thoughts is a powerful tool to transform your parenting experience, influencing emotions and actions.
2. Common unhelpful thinking patterns include all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, catastrophizing, mind reading, and emotional reasoning.
3. Use the 5-step checklist to change negative thoughts: notice, question validity, look for contradicting evidence, consider alternatives, and reframe.
4. Mantras can help shift your thinking in challenging moments, offering a quick way to reframe your perspective.
5. While learning about patience is valuable, true parenting transformation requires a comprehensive toolkit of strategies, insights, and ongoing support.

Next Up: The Unexpected Lesson in My Toddler's Tantrum: My Journey to Patience

In tomorrow's lesson, I'll share a personal story from my journey as a mom of 3.

This story will highlight a crucial revelation I had about managing sibling dynamics, handling toddler tantrums, and balancing the needs of children at different developmental stages.

It's a powerful example of how the principles we've discussed can be applied in real, messy, everyday parenting situations.

See you back here tomorrow,

Dr. Jazmine

Founder of TMP Times

Ready for Day Three of the Patient Parenting Blue Print? Click here!