Hey there!

Welcome to Day 4 of The Patient Parent Blueprint: 5 Steps to Becoming a More Patient Parent & Transforming Difficult Behaviors.

In today’s lesson, I want to switch it up and share a personal story as a mom of 3 young children. I have a toddler and two school-aged kids and we’re in the thick of toddler tantrums right now. 🫠

Ever had a toddler tantrum teach you something about yourself? 😅

I sure didn't expect it (or realize it in the moment), but that's exactly what happened to me recently.

Let me take you back to that eye-opening afternoon...

It was one of those days that every parent dreads.

You know the kind - where everything seems to go wrong at once, and you're left wondering how you'll make it to bedtime. Little did I know, this chaotic afternoon would lead to a valuable parenting lesson.

I was downstairs with my toddler, who was in the throes of an EPIC tantrum.

Picture screaming at the top of his lungs, demanding something only to refuse it when offered, and dramatically throwing himself on the ground…😰

My husband was cooking dinner, and my two older daughters were supposed to be settling in from school. The house was a cacophony of screaming, clanging pots, and the distant sound of running water.

As my toddler's frustration escalated, I felt my own anxiety rising. I offered snack after snack, desperately trying to soothe him, but each attempt was met with an increasingly loud "NO!"

My mind raced: Was he hungry? Teething? What was I missing?

In the midst of this chaos, my well-meaning 6-year-old daughter appeared, ready to play the role of little helper.

She offered toys and tried to rub her brother's back, but her attempts only seemed to fuel his tantrum.

The screaming intensified, and I felt my patience wearing thin. 😡

I just want everyone to be quiet and happy," I thought, feeling overwhelmed and slightly ashamed. "Why can't I handle this better?"

I wanted to appreciate my daughter's kindness, to be the patient, loving mother I always try to be.

Instead, I snapped, telling her to go take her shower and give us space.

You know that tone - You’re not flat out yelling, but you definitely sound irritated. That was me.

She quietly complied but in the back of my mind, I felt bad for shooing her away but at the same time I was so overwhelmed and maxed out.

As the evening wore on, my husband finally found a snack our toddler accepted, and the tantrum subsided... only for another to begin shortly after.

It felt like we were stuck in an endless loop of meltdowns and frustration. It didn’t end until my toddler went to bed, lol. Can you relate? 🫠

As I moved into our bedtime routine with my daughter, something shifted.

While she worked on her drawings in her room, I sat with her, noticing the details in her art and offering genuine praise. We laughed together as we started a new project, and I could see her face light up with each hug, smile, and word of affirmation.

In that moment of connection, I had an epiphany.
My daughter wasn't trying to complicate things earlier; she was showing love in the best way she knew how. Her intentions were pure, even if her actions had unintended consequences.

And my toddler? He wasn't giving me a hard time; he was having a hard time, dealing with a mix of hunger, fatigue, teething pain and a need for comfort. Not to mention - the growing pains of his brain development exploding (his language is taking OFF right now, it’s insane, lol). 🤯

After this realization, I went into the next afternoon mentally prepared for his next tantrum. Rather than trying to prevent or avoid it, I simply expected it to happen. I even told myself, “Even if it takes 30+ minutes for it to subside, it’s ok. It’s just the season we’re in right now.”

 And wouldn’t you know. He had another tantrum the following day and I felt much more patient because I expected it. Our expectations (aka our thoughts and beliefs) play a huge part in how we feel as parents.

Here's my secret for finding more patience and joy amidst the daily chaos of family life:

👉🏽 Intentional self-reflection (I'm a big fan of journaling)

👉🏽 Reconnecting with my kids in intentional ways (I follow a specific framework for this process - more on this will be inside a future TMP Times Premium issue)

For all the overwhelmed parents out there, remember: Your children have good hearts and are trying their best, even when it doesn't seem like it. Try your best to pause, take a beat, and find moments to connect.

It's not the events themselves that trigger us—it's our thoughts and beliefs about those events.

Let me explain…

It's not the refusing to eat/sleep/go to the potty that's triggering…It's the belief, "Kids should always listen to their parents. If they don't, it means the parents are failing somehow..." that is.
It’s not the sibling conflict that’s triggering, it’s the belief that siblings should be best friends that is.
It’s not the whining or complaining that’s triggering, it’s the thought, “I can’t deal with this! Enough is enough! They just need to be quiet!” that is.

It’s not the aggression that’s triggering, it’s the thoughts like, “I’m raising a bad kid.” that are.

These thoughts and beliefs trigger feelings of fear, inadequacy, failure, and powerlessness, ultimately leading to a sense of vulnerability.

It's this vulnerability that sparks ANGER.

Anger is deeply rooted in our need for protection and survival against perceived threats. It makes us feel powerful and gives us the illusion that we're actively changing our circumstances.

TL;DR:

• Patient parenting isn't about avoiding or controlling chaos—it's about striving to be present and offer consistent love. Easier said than done, I know! But embracing the occasional messiness can actually help us navigate these challenging times more effectively.
• Children's challenging behaviors often stem from good intentions or unmet needs.
• Self-reflection and intentional connection lead to more fulfilling parenting.
• Reframing thoughts about challenging situations can increase your patience.

What do you think of this email course so far, by the way? Hit ‘reply’ to this email and let me know. I’d love to hear from you! ❤️

Next Up: The Secret to Effortless Patient Parenting: Mastering Communication

Tomorrow, we'll explore exactly what to say during challenging moments where you're more likely to yell. When we combine what we've already learned with easy-to-use scripts, we change the game.

We'll move from frazzled and yelling to patient and intentional language.

See you tomorrow as we continue building patient parenting skills.

Dr. Jazmine

Founder of TMP Times

PS... Want to shortcut your way to becoming a more patient and confident parent and have me in your back pocket every week?

Join my weekly email course, TMP Times Premium and unlock weekly premium content right in your inbox including practical advice and tools for discipline, tantrums, sibling fighting, aggression (and more), scripts and checklists for real-life situations, and structured, easy-to-implement changes In-depth tips not commonly found on social media and regular inspiration and guidance.

Ready for Day 5 of the Patient Parenting Blueprint? Click here!