Hey there!
Welcome to Day 5 of The Patient Parent Blueprint: 5 Steps to Becoming a More Patient Parent & Transforming Difficult Behaviors.
Ever feel like you and your kids are speaking totally different languages? Trust me, I've been there. It's like trying to explain quantum physics to a goldfish - frustrating for everyone involved.
Today, we're focusing on clear communication techniques - the practical tools that will help you put everything we've learned into action and make patient parenting more effortless.
The Power of Intentional Communication
When we communicate intentionally, even in the face of challenging behavior, we create an environment of emotional safety for our children.
This not only helps de-escalate tense situations but also teaches our children valuable lessons about emotional regulation and healthy communication.
A 2022 study in the journal Child Development found that parents who consistently used calm, supportive communication during conflicts had children with better emotion regulation skills and fewer behavioral problems (Raver et al., 2022).
Communication Techniques: A Simple 3-Step Framework
Step 1: Validate feelings
Step 2: Describe the problem without judgement or criticism
Step 3: Move into problem solving for example,
👉🏽 Offer limited choices
👉🏽 Use "When/Then" statements (e.g., "When you put on your shoes, then we can go outside.”)
👉🏽 Establish a clear boundary
Other Key Tips:
- Speak in a low, calm voice
- Get down to your child's level
- Use "I" statements
Let's explore some effective techniques with examples for common scenarios:
1. Getting Dressed in the Morning
Instead of: "Hurry up! We're going to be late again because of you!"
Try: "I see you're having trouble getting dressed. Would you like to choose your shirt or pants first?" or simply say, "I'll help you." and assist them with getting dressed.
2. Toy Battles with Siblings
Instead of: "Stop fighting! I'm taking the toy away if you can't share!"
Try: "I see you both want the same toy. That's frustrating. It will be your turn when they’re all done. Thanks for waiting.”
Instead of: "Give that back!!" (after toy snatching)
Try: "It looks like she wasn't done with that. Do you want to give it back to her on your own or do you need my help?" (And then calmly remove it from their hands if they resist giving it back on their own.)
3. Power Struggles at Bedtime
Instead of: "Go to bed right now or no TV for you tomorrow!"
Try: "It's time for bed. Would you like to choose which book we read tonight or which stuffed animal to sleep with?"
4. Dealing with Whining
Instead of: "Stop whining! I can't understand you when you talk like that."
Try: "I hear you're upset. When you use your regular voice (and model), I can understand you better. Can you try telling me again what you need?" You may need to give them the exact words they need if they continue to struggle.
These examples follow the key principles of intentional communication that we discussed, such as validating feelings, offering limited choices, and speaking in a calm voice.
Now of course, these moments can be way more complicated than these examples truly reflect. And to be honest, I have sooo much to say about effective communication and discipline techniques (it would be impossible to cover in one email).
If you’re looking for weekly in-depth insights and solutions into common parenting struggles like defiance, sibling conflict, tantrums, aggression, and power struggles, then you’ll want to join my weekly email course, TMP Times Premium, for weekly parenting insights and tools delivered straight to your inbox (ages 1-7)!
Addressing Common Myths:
❌ Myth #1: "If I’m patient enough, my child will eventually cooperate without the need for consequences."
✅ Reality: Patience is important, but it's not a magic solution. Children also need clear boundaries and understanding of cause-and-effect. Focus on clearly communicating expectations, providing choices within limits, and following through with age-appropriate consequences when necessary.
❌ Myth #2: "Mindfulness and deep breathing can solve any parenting challenge in the moment."
✅ Reality: While mindfulness techniques are helpful, they're not a cure-all. Some situations require immediate action, firm boundaries, or specific problem-solving strategies. Develop a diverse toolkit of parenting strategies, including de-escalation techniques, logical consequences, and collaborative problem-solving.
Summarizing Our 5-Day Journey:
💌 Day 1: We debunked the myth of the always-calm parent and focused on self-awareness instead.
💌 Day 2: We learned the “Chill Out” Rule and a simple 3-step system for managing emotions.
💌 Day 3: We explored the power of changing our thoughts about our children's behavior.
💌 Day 4: I shared my own personal reflections about my ongoing journey to more patience (& my keys to success)
💌 Day 5: We've focused on intentional communication techniques for everyday challenges.
While these tools are powerful, they're just the beginning.
Continuing Your Journey to Patient, Loving Parenting
As we wrap up this course, let's focus on where you want to be in your parenting journey. Imagine:
✅ Navigating challenging situations with confidence
✅ Having effective strategies for various parenting challenges
✅ Feeling proud of your parenting skills
✅ Enjoying stronger relationships with your children
This growth is possible, and I'm here to support you as you continue to develop these skills.
After all, to truly transform your parenting, you need ongoing support and a comprehensive toolkit.
It’s not always clear how to handle really intense moments but with the Premium Pass, you can rest assured you’ll have ongoing weekly support (including scripts, checklists, and tips).
I sincerely hope you’ve enjoyed this free 5-Day Educational Email Course on Patient Parenting. As a clinical psychologist and mom of 3, I’m very passionate about helping parents find more fulfillment, joy and patience while raising the next generation.
So if you’d like me to be in your inbox every week sending you practical emails (like these) to help you parent with more patience and confidence, then make sure you join TMP Times Premium.
I hope to see you in there!
Dr. Jazmine
P.S. Where do you see yourself in 6 months? If you know you’re ready to become a more patient and confident parent, don’t wait a minute longer.
Inside TMP Times Premium I give you weekly deep dive insights, exclusive checklists and scripts, and personal stories from my own motherhood journey to help support you along the way.
Click here to join the TMP Times Premium and start your transformation today!
P.P.S. Have questions about TMP Times Premium Pass? Just email us at [email protected]!
