Patient Parenting Blueprint Email 1

Hey there Patient Parents!

Welcome to Day 1 of The Patient Parent Blueprint: 5 Steps to Becoming a More Patient Parent & Transforming Difficult Behaviors.

Have you ever felt like you're failing because you can't stay calm 24/7?

Here's a dirty little secret: No one can. That's right, not even that picture-perfect mom on Instagram.

The myth of the always-calm parent is just that - a myth. And it's causing way too much guilt and stress.

The truth is that real parenting is messy. It's frustrating.

And in today's lesson, I'll reveal why the "Always-Calm" parent isn't just unrealistic—it's not even ideal.

We'll also explore why deepening your awareness, rather than trying to control your emotions, is the real game-changer.

Ready to transform your parenting approach? Let's dive in!

Here’s why you need to stop trying to be a “Calm” parent:

Many parents believe: "I need to be calm all the time to be a good parent."

It's easy to see why this belief is so common.

📲 Social media feeds us a constant stream of serene parents effortlessly managing their children's meltdowns.

👩🏽‍🏫 Well-meaning parenting experts preach the virtues of staying cool under pressure.

It seems like the golden standard of good parenting is unshakeable calm.

But here's the reality check we all need: No parent is patient 24/7.

And I really need you to internalize this truth.

Think about it.

Is it even realistic to never lose your cool when faced with a screaming toddler, a preschooler who refuses to put on shoes for the tenth time, or siblings locked in what feels like their hundredth fight of the day?

Not only is it unrealistic, but it might not even be desirable.

Here's why:

❌ It sets an impossible standard, leading to parental guilt and burnout.

❌ It misses valuable teaching moments about emotional regulation.

❌ It can accidentally teach kids it’s not ok to have their big emotions.

So, what if we flipped the script?

Instead of "I must always be calm. If I’m not calm while parenting, I’m failing," let's try on a new perspective:

This shift is a game-changer.

Here's why it matters:

✅ It focuses on the process (discovering triggers, feelings, unmet needs) rather than an impossible end goal of constant calm.

✅ It alleviates pressure to control your feelings.

✅ It acknowledges that feeling frustrated or impatient is normal and human.

✅ It empowers you to grow and improve, rather than beating yourself up for not being "perfect."

✅ It teaches your kids valuable lessons about emotional intelligence and self-reflection.

Remember, effective parenting isn't about maintaining constant calm. It's about developing self-awareness—understanding your triggers, reactions, and emotional patterns.

When you're more aware of your emotions:

You can catch yourself before you react impulsively.
You're better equipped to identify and meet your own needs.
You can model healthy emotional processing for your kids.
You're more likely to respond intentionally, even in tough moments.

You might wonder if not trying to be calm will lead to more temper loss. But forcing calmness rarely works - and it's exhausting.

Our goal isn't to eliminate frustration or anger.

That's unrealistic and unhealthy.

Instead, we aim to better understand our emotions and respond more effectively.

This journey begins with noticing our anger non-judgmentally, rather than suppressing it. We aim to observe our emotions like curious scientists, not enemies to battle.

Let's explore how to approach your emotions with this scientific curiosity. 👇🏽

Understanding parenting triggers - It’s not what you’ve been told.

The common advice when it comes to anger management is to work on understanding your triggers and what events usually make you upset.

For us parents, it’s likely:

Tantrums and screaming
Aggression
Sibling fighting
Power struggles and defiance
Whining and complaining
Messes and spills
Public misbehavior
Potty refusal
Picky eating
Lying
Refusing to stay in bed

I’m probably missing a few, but you get the point. 😅

While it's important to understand what situations usually stress us out, focusing on these moments as the "trigger" can easily lead us to blame our child for our feelings ("If they didn't make a mess, I wouldn't be yelling right now.").

This creates "Me vs. You" dynamics & leads us to try to control our child's behavior (e.g., "If I can just stop them from making a mess, then I will feel calmer.").

Of course, parenting doesn't occur in isolation. Our environment and our children's choices do influence us.

But at some point, we have to see past the "triggering event" and recognize what's really going on.

It's not the events themselves that trigger us—it's our thoughts and beliefs about those events.

Let me explain…

It's not the refusing to eat/sleep/go to the potty that's triggering…It's the belief, "Kids should always listen to their parents. If they don't, it means the parents are failing somehow..." that is.
It’s not the sibling conflict that’s triggering, it’s the belief that siblings should be best friends that is.
It’s not the whining or complaining that’s triggering, it’s the thought, “I can’t deal with this! Enough is enough! They just need to be quiet!” that is.

It’s not the aggression that’s triggering, it’s the thoughts like, “I’m raising a bad kid.” that are.

These thoughts and beliefs trigger feelings of fear, inadequacy, failure, and powerlessness, ultimately leading to a sense of vulnerability.

It's this vulnerability that sparks ANGER.

Anger is deeply rooted in our need for protection and survival against perceived threats. It makes us feel powerful and gives us the illusion that we're actively changing our circumstances.

🧠 The Psychology of Anger: The 5-Step Process

Here's what typically happens:

We experience an Event (e.g., Child begins to erupt in a tantrum when they don't get their way)
We have a cascade of unhelpful Thoughts/Beliefs (often unconsciously):
- "I need to fix this tantrum right away,"
- "I'm such a bad parent,"
- "My child is a spoiled brat."
- “If I don’t do something right now (like threaten them), then I’m letting them walk all over me.”
- “I’ll show them who’s boss!”)
  Based on these thoughts, we experience an Emotion (e.g., anger, helplessness, frustration, powerlessness, resentment, fear)
We act in some way (based on all factors, previous experiences, and habits) (e.g., yelling, threatening, pushing our kids away, stomping out of the room, slamming doors, ignoring)
We feel guilty and ashamed, believing we are horrible parents that will never change. We tell ourselves we need to be more calm.

Alternative Response:

We experience an Event
We have a cascade of unhelpful Thoughts/Beliefs
Based on these thoughts, we experience an Emotion (e.g., anger, helplessness, frustration, powerlessness, resentment, fear)
We notice these thoughts and and emotions as they’re happening.
We practice compassion and curiosity about our thoughts and work on reframing them (More on this in Day 3!)
We choose a different response (more on this in Day 5)
We end the interaction feeling proud of how we handled the situation. Though not perfect, we're glad we didn't revert to our old reactive patterns.

❌ The key difference in this alternative example is NOT that we didn’t have those negative thoughts or feelings.

✅ It was that we NOTICED them as they were happening and practiced compassion and curiosity so that we could have capacity to change them.

More on this to come but what I want you to remember is this:

By cultivating self-awareness and implementing the strategies we've discussed, you're taking a crucial first step towards becoming a more patient parent.

This journey is not about perfection, but progress - every small change you make can significantly improve your relationship with your children and foster a more positive family dynamic.

TL;DR (Too Long; Didn’t Read)

The "always-calm parent" is a myth that can lead to guilt and burnout.
Developing awareness of your underlying emotions and needs is the key to becoming a more patient parent.
Our thoughts and beliefs about events, not the events themselves, trigger our reactions.
Noticing and understanding the stories (aka the thoughts and beliefs) behind our triggers and emotional patterns is the first step to changing them.
Becoming a more patient parent is attainable and crucial for your child's development. You got this!

That’s it for today!

I highly encourage you to take 5-10 minutes to reflect on your parenting triggers by answering the questions above.

Taking this time to reflect IS how you become a more patient parent.

Then send me an email and let me know what you uncover. I would LOVE to hear your insights, takeaways and ‘AHA’ moments from today’s lesson.

Next Up: Exactly How to be a Patient Parent (Even When Your Kids Push Your Buttons)

Tomorrow, we'll dive into practical strategies for staying patient when tensions run high. I'll share quick techniques you can use to manage your emotions in challenging moments.

You'll learn about:

The "Chill Out" Rule for handling heated family situations
A 3-step method to control your reactions when kids push your limits
Key phrases to use when you're feeling frustrated

These tools can transform your parenting approach and strengthen your family bonds.

See you tomorrow!

Dr. Jazmine

Founder of TMP Times

PS... If you are already saying to yourself, "Wow, this is exactly the blueprint I need!" and you know you want to invest in up-leveling your parenting skills, I'd love to invite you to join TMP Times Premium Your weekly email course for confident discipline, emotional connection, and practical strategies that actually work for your family. Leverage the expertise of a child psychologist (👋🏽) to transform your parenting approach and family dynamics (without losing your sanity or breaking your budget). You in?