Maria thought she had cracked the code on parenting. Her 3-year-old son, Kai, was thriving at his new preschool. His teacher raved about his behavior during pickup. "He's such a sweet boy," she'd say. "Never any problems here." Even Maria's husband could breeze through bedtime routines without drama.
But every single night, when Maria tried to brush Kai's teeth, or put on his pajamas, or give him a bath… all hell broke loose. He'd throw the toothbrush, refuse to cooperate, and when she gently guided him toward the bathroom, he'd spin around and hit her. Not once or twice - but repeatedly, even after she'd say "I won't let you hit me" and ask him to show gentle touches.
The hitting only happened with her. Never at school. Never with Dad. Always with Mom, and always during their evening routine when Kai was tired from his long day without naps.
Maria started dreading bedtime. She felt targeted, hurt, and honestly, a little resentful. Why was she the only one dealing with this aggressive version of her child? Was she doing something wrong that made her son think it was okay to hit her? Should dad just be the one to do the routine instead?
After reading this issue, you'll understand:
- Why selective aggression isn't manipulation - it's learned behavior that shows where your boundaries need work
- How your child's developing brain literally cannot maintain regulation all day (and why evening meltdowns are actually healthy)
- The difference between being a "safe person" and being a permissive target
- Scripts that stop aggression while teaching better emotional expression
- Why calling in your partner to "save the day" actually reinforces the hitting pattern
Let’s dive in!
