Last Saturday, I started my toddler's bedtime routine around 4 PM. We went upstairs for bath time. At first, he didn't want to take a bath.
"NO BATH!" he screamed.
So I leaned into what he loves: CARS. "What cars need a car wash today?" I asked. Immediately, he grabbed his blue airplane (yes, the airplane needed a car wash too, apparently) and climbed into the tub. We played with his cars in the water. He had a blast. We only got out because he had a poop accident, which was hard for him because I could tell he wanted to get back in.
I used his accident to transition to the next task: Pajamas. He got frustrated, likely still dealing with the disappointment of abruptly leaving the bathtub where we were both having so much fun. So I wrestled him into his diaper because that was non-negotiable (I didn't want any more accidents), but then I stopped there. I didn't wrestle him into his pajamas. I let him go. I kept the pajamas out, but I let him decide when to put them on.
Eventually, he decided he wanted to put them on.
I've realized with my son that it's best when things are HIS idea. So I praised him: "Good idea. Let's put on your pajamas. Now you're all warm and cozy!" Then we played. Hot wheels, car races, rescue missions, tackle, rough housing, puzzles, blocks - whatever he wanted. I focused on following his lead.
The whole routine, from start to finish too about two hours.
I was thinking the other day about how it feels like I'm walking on eggshells around my toddler at bedtime. At any moment, he could erupt and get upset and flat-out refuse, especially because he's tired. He's exhausted by the time bedtime rolls around (he dropped naps several months ago), so his emotions are up and down, and there are so many tasks to get done: bath, diaper, lotion, teeth, pajamas, reading, going to bed.
Here's what you'll learn in this issue:
- Why your child's evening volatility isn't bad behavior. It's actually their nervous system trying to make the biggest transition of the day
- The surprising reason rushing bedtime makes it take LONGER (and feel worse for everyone)
- How to measure bedtime "success" in a way that doesn't depend on your child being calm or compliant
- Specific ways to mix play into routine tasks so you're not adding time, just shifting the energy
- Why making bedtime easier on YOU (not just your child) is the most powerful shift you can make
