I want to talk about something that most parenting advice gets completely wrong - those intense behaviors we usually call "attention-seeking."
You know the ones I mean:
- Your previously independent child becomes impossibly clingy.
- Your sweet kiddo starts acting aggressively out of nowhere.
- Your easy-going child suddenly fights you on everything.
Here's what fascinates me about these behaviors - they're not random, and they're not just about getting attention.
Your child is actually running sophisticated experiments to understand their place in your family.
Let me show you what I mean.
Think about the last time your child did something challenging and then immediately came to you for comfort.
Maybe they hit their sibling and then ran straight into your arms.
Or they had a massive meltdown about bedtime but then begged for extra cuddles.
Most advice tells you to ignore these behaviors or set firm consequences.
Let me break down what your child is really asking with these behaviors:
- "If I push others away, does that make my connection to you stronger?"
- "When I act out, do I still get your love?"
- "How solid is my place in this family, really?"
