A mom in our community recently wrote in with something that took courage to share.
She's a homeschooling mom so sheโs home with her two young daughters all day, every day, rotating between being their parent and their teacher and their referee. She wrote in after reading my newsletter about the 6-10 age window, the one about why this period matters so much for our relationship with our kids (Issue 70). She said something that has stuck with me.
"I think I parent out of fear mostly, and then fear the future relationship between us."
She went on to describe a cycle that has become so familiar in her house it's basically just... Tuesday. She corrects her daughter's behavior. Her daughter shuts down and goes silent. Mom repeats herself. Daughter ignores her. Mom loses it and yells. Mom apologizes. Daughter seems unfazed, like the apology doesn't even land anymore. Mom overcompensates to try to repair things. Daughter pulls further away. Mom ends up exhausted, catering to her child's emotions just to salvage the day and then feeling guilty that she's not showing up the way she wants to for either of her girls.
She knows something is broken but she doesn't know where to look.
I want to start by honoring this mom for writing in, because what she described takes real vulnerability to put into words. I want to devote this newsletter to speaking directly to what I see happening. Not to judge her, but because I recognize this cycle. I've lived a version of it myself and I think a lot of you have too.
