Back-to-School Class

 

What We Covered:

  • 6:32 Why mornings, afternoons, and bedtime hit differently during this transition
  • 16:02 The Bedtime Pass script
  • 21:22 The Repair script
  • 33:50 Live Q&A
    • [33:50] Question 1: Friendship anxiety
    • [37:18] Question 2: Big feelings about starting a new school
    • [41:22] Question 3: Death and dying conversations right before bed
    • [48:53] Question 4: Hectic morning routines with 3 kids 

Script 1: The Bedtime Pass

Introducing it:
"Hey, I want to talk about how bedtime has been feeling lately. Sometimes it feels like bedtime becomes a big argument because your body is having a hard time settling down or you're remembering things you need after the lights go out. It makes both of us feel really frustrated before sleep. I want bedtime to feel cozy again. I don't want to end our days like this. So, we are going to try something new called the Bedtime Pass System. Let's decorate this card together right now. This is your official pass."

How it works:
"Here is how the pass works: every single night when you go to bed, I am going to put this pass right on your nightstand. After we do our normal bedtime routine, our stories, our hugs, the lights go out. If you suddenly realize you need an extra sip of water, one more hug, or you need to tell me one quick story, you can get out of bed and hand me this pass. You can use it for one free trip out of your room, and I will happily give you that hug or that drink. No questions asked, and no one gets in trouble."

The morning trade (optional):
"But here is the coolest part. If you stay in your bed all night long and don't use the pass, it stays on your nightstand. In the morning, you can trade your unused pass to me for a special reward. So you get to choose: do you want to use it at night for an extra visit, or save it for a prize in the morning? It's entirely up to you." Swap in your own small, low-cost reward here like 2 chocolate chips with breakfast, a sticker, 10 extra minutes of screen time.

Each night:
"Remember you have your Bedtime Pass right here on the table. Have a good night, I love you."
If they use it: "Ah, you are using your Bedtime Pass! What do you need? A sip of water? Okay, let's get your sip of water, and then I will walk you back to bed."
Once it's used: "The pass is gone. It's time to rest our bodies. Please stay in your room."

If they get out of bed without the pass:
Don't yell, lecture, or ask questions. Take them gently by the hand or shoulders and walk them silently back to bed. Use a monotone, whisper-quiet voice and repeat, like a broken record:
"It's time to rest our bodies. Please stay in your room."

Script 2: The Repair Script

Use this after a hard moment, especially around a new transition.

  1. Name the elephant in the room. New routines, new transition.
  2. Apologize for your part in it.
  3. Explain what's going on for you internally.
  4. Also add: "This doesn't excuse my behavior, and again I'm sorry. I will keep working on this."
  5. Ask: "What was that like for you? How are you feeling about this transition?"
  6. End with connection.

Repair before separations. Read Issue 83 for more on this.

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